Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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