id be glad to
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
