I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
