At least make sure they are 18
Why
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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