I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
