the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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