No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
