he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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