3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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