I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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