If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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