guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
