So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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