Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Sponge bath it is.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
