where does the pee come out of this thing
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
