Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
