Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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