what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
