She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize