i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
