I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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