she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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