I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
