So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
