And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
