Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
