oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
