there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
