judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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