38 yer olds are good kisserssss
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
