Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Who died my cat blue again?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
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