my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
