Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
