Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
