sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
