Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Where is the hickey?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Randomize