The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
