Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
