i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
