afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
