I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
