it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
you would pick up someone in the library
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
My penis needs a shock collar
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
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