Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
His hands were made for my vagina.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
