Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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