I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize