WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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