the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
