i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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