i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize