Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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