I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I think I have vodka in my lungs
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
