I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
