My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize