She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
