I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
