hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
