So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
