It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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