dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
