i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Randomize
