I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
