guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Randomize
