Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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