My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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