Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize