drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
