did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
