Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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