every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
