Already got asked if we're dating
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
