From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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