You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
