Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Randomize