I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
