i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
