D3 body, D1 cock
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
