theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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