Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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