The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
She announced her abortion via fbk
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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