Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Green mimosas i think yes
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
