I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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