Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
