I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
