the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
