Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
