K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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