There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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