Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
As shirtless as possible
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
