rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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