I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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